Pathway into the Woods

Pulling, twisting, turning wildly in panic, the beautiful woodland nymph tries franticaly to free herself. Seeing the young woman approach on the trail leading into the forest startled her, and in her urgency to flee, she seemed to have caught the hem of her skirt on a nearby thorn. Each struggling effort further pins the beautiful magical creature to the thicket. "Oh no!" she exclaims freezing suddenly. In her commotion, the young woman notices her. "Oh please, please, please" the nymph pleads to the heavens. "Please don't let her hurt me," her once beauitful glow now fallen and ashen. She sits motionless frozen in fear.

* * *
I've had so many new experiences these past several weeks. It seems that with the many different thoughts and feelings, each day passes as if a week. Time seems to stand still as I race foreward in a manic rush for understanding and change. "Ah, these things take time to develop and unfold but I cannot deny my feelings surging forth from sudden loss and emptiness.

I seem to have bounced far past any sense of a mid point in my yearning to connect again with someone and need to find some kind of hand hold and firm grip to steady and find my balance again. It's almost like my soul is pinging around aimlessly and I need to find some way of slowing it down and find control.

I can now understand all too clearly why everyone keeps their options open while in one relationship always keeping a fall back position with another person, just in case. Just in case of what? Of course in case the current relationship starts to fail. Woe be it to those, like me, who let themselves fall in love so completely with commitment; eyes and heart locked on one person - simply not looking for any other options. The breaking of my heart and shattering of my soul is equally complete when ripped and separated from the other and love is lost, lost forever with that one true commitment.

In the beginning of this loss, I lay motionless, shocked and stunned in misbelief and denial, laying broken and crumpled, cast aside like a piece of useless trash in the dark emptiness. I lay there for a long time simply trying to breathe curled with my face pressed in a pool of cold tears. All my thoughts dark and lonely consuming me with feelings of deep despair and self doubt. Selfishly probing my loss, I become addicted to the full feeling of pain and suffering. Slowly but surely, leagues of angels search frantically and find me through grace, and unbeknownest to me, busy themselves with the repair of my heart. Survival finally draws me to a sitting position. With eyes swollen shut, I wipe them, trying to see the beginnings of some kind of resolve emerge in the darkness.